Losers Cultivate Poor Relationships

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves 

after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. 

Marcel Proust

We are born Winners. We are trained to be Losers. Losers immerse themselves in the Control Drama Triangle, in which they have been coached, usually from childhood. It is worth describing how we can find ourselves stuck in the Control Drama Triangle, because if we are to be a Winner and empowered, then we must be alert to what stops us from being that.

In order to avoid living your life (even if only occasionally) as a Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor, you will have to be determined to stay out of this triangle. We find ourselves caught in these roles when we feel betrayed, hurt, resentful, angry or humiliated by bosses, caregivers, partners or significant others. While it may seem as though we are stuck with whatever emotions we feel about certain people, this is a fiction. No matter what we've been through, had done to us, or done to others, we can clear our past and move on.

Behaviours rooted in the Control Drama Triangle will never lead to a life of happiness or empowerment. A person caught in this relationship triangle will find themselves swinging from one to the other of these roles, most probably specializing in one of them. Certainly, the behaviours associated with this triangle of behavioural choices will not lead to personal empowerment and a Winner lifestyle

A Victim is someone who is not coping with life, either by inviting others to disempower him/her, unwittingly being disempowered, or surrendering power. We are not talking about a genuine victim here, such as someone who is run over by a car. We are referring to mental or emotional Victims, people who don't or won't take control of their happiness and destiny. Either this person has given up on supporting themselves to make something of their life, or they are allowing others to control, manipulate, overwhelm, or coerce them into thoughts, beliefs, emotions or actions they would be better off without. Even though on the surface a person may dislike having their life controlled by another, frequently childhood conditioning, and possibly certain adult relationships, set people up for a life of powerlessness.

Typical Victim behaviours include avoidance, withdrawing powerlessly from others or situations, deceitfulness, ignoring problems or situations needing addressing, thinking negatively about life or oneself, quiet manipulation, procrastination, or avoidance of personal responsibility. Winners would never allow such behaviours to dominate their life. A Winner will learn from what goes wrong, or mistakes they make. We all make mistakes, but Winners are determined to learn how not to repeat them, and how to benefit from adverse experiences.

A Victim reacts to their life. 

A Winner creates their life.

Control dramas are energy sapping, and it is by saving energy that we develop personal power. And by developing personal power, we are able to enter worlds of experience that the average person never accesses.