Reduce Stress by Resolving Working Parent Guilt

Are you a working parent juggling multiple roles? Do you often feel guilty about not being as available to your children and family as you would like to be? Caring this burden of guilt can have enormous consequences on your health, productivity both at work and at home and on your family and work relationships.

Here are four questions that can help you begin to address "working parent guilt." (Working moms are not the only ones in a family who need to resolve the issue of "guilt." Dads are just as prone to feeling guilty about not having enough time to spend with their children and spouse.) Often when we feel guilt, we know we feel it, but we can't specifically explain the reasons for feeling it. These four questions will help you pinpoint what is causing the guilt and develop an action plan to resolve the situation.

1. Are you living by your core values?

Designing your life to reflect your core values is the first step in resolving "working parent guilt." If your life style is conflicting with your core values, the guilt you feel is your subconscious sending you a message.  Here is an activity to help you "listen to the message."

• Make three columns on a piece of paper. In the first one, write down your core values. In the second one, for each value you listed, write an example of how that value manifests in your daily life. In the third column, write an example of how that value has been in conflict.
• Develop a plan to increase situations that result in harmony and decrease the conflict. Being aware of the times when you feel harmony or conflict will help you create more harmonious situations and prevent conflicting situations.

2. What aspects of your life are out of whack?

Achieving a sense of balance in your life will help reduce "working parent guilt." (I know, many of you are saying, "Harmony? I don't even have time to sleep! How can I achieve harmony?") Here is an activity that can help you examine the harmony and balance in your life.

• Draw a circle. Divide it into six sections. Label the sections: Personal Relationships, Money & Finances, Business & Career, Health & Fitness, Training/Education/Mastery, and Spiritual. Then beginning at the center of each "slice," fill in the "slice" to indicate your view of where you are now in each area. This will give you a picture of what area of your life is out of whack. Then examine that slice(s) more closely and develop simple action steps to gain more harmony. Do you need more rest and relaxation? What can you do to get it? Is the relationship with your spouse the last thing that gets your time? Are finances dictating how you live your life? Are you working because you want to or because you have to? Is daycare costing more than the take-home check? What alternatives can you consider? Could you generate additional income in a more flexible manner?

3. Can you modify your working environment?

We often let ourselves believe that we can't change our situation. However, if eliminating guilt is significantly important to you, you will find a way to modify your work life to experience more balance and harmony. One way is to reassess your work environment - the reasons you are working, the organization, the job duties, your skill sets, your income, your potential, the environment, etc.

• Draw five columns on a sheet of paper. In the first column, list all your skills. In the second column, listhow you can use these skills to generate income both in your current employment situation and in other ways. In the third column, list what you thoroughly enjoy about your present employment. In the fourth column, list all the things that you would like to change about your present employment situation. In the fifth column brainstorm how you could modify the situation. Be creative. Can you modify the environment by building on your strengths? Can you do things differently to create more time? Are there things you've taken on that you can let go of? Keep in mind that if finding more balance and harmony is significantly important, you will find a way to design your work environment so that it nurtures you and enables you to nurture the important people in your life.

4. What action can you take?

An action plan helps to restore strength, balance and harmony to your life.

• Select one or two factors from the above exercises. Determine your goal and then develop a detailed set of action steps to achieve your goal. A spreadsheet format works well. Describe each action step, identify the resources you will need, who else needs to be involved, set a deadline for action and how you will know that you have completed the step.