Wisdom

"Wisdom" by Marsha Jordan

Because I love to share my knowledge with the world, I have packed into one paragraph, a condensed version of all the wisdom I've gleaned from common cliches. Here is my (not necessarily good) advice:

If you can't say something nice, quit while you're ahead because an ounce of prevention is good for the gander and gathers no moss. When in doubt, eat lots of chocolate and let sleeping dogs take time to smell all your eggs in one basket. Crime doesn't pay for your bridges behind you. Practice makes a rolling stone look a gift horse in the mouth and spoil the soup. Too many cooks spare the rod and go to bed with the early bird. Look before you leap because money is the root of death and taxes. 

Someone, somewhere, revised some other familiar phrases from the fifties and sixties to modernize them for the zeros. I don't know who gets credit for writing these, but they're words to live by: 

Children should be seen and not costing me money. When push comes to shove, their mom is on the phone. People who live in glass houses can't watch TV in their underwear. If you can't say something nice, you must be with your in-laws. Where there's smoke, my husband's been cooking. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't make a man change a toilet paper roll. A pound of chocolate is worth its weight in gold. Time flies when you're checking your email. Nothing is certain except that your computer will crash when you haven't saved any files.