When You Are Confused, Do Nothing

"When You Are Confused, Do Nothing" by Chandra Alexander

When we are confused there is an incongruity between what we are feeling and what we are thinking. Something in our head is telling us to move forward and, at the same time, another equally strong feeling is holding us back. This impasse is not something we need to willfully plow through, but rather a point at which to stop and reevaluate where we are going.

Confusion points the way to a new beginning and will not allow us to take the first path that allays our anxiety. The first path is always the path we know, the way that is familiar and "makes sense." It is very tempting to follow this path, and, if it were not for that nagging inner voice, we would surely go down this road. In addition, most of us are so used to moving quickly that any hesitation is interpreted as a sign of weakness. But we need to slow down and get in touch with what is really going on.

When there is a gap between our heart and our head, we become confused. The part that is on automatic is telling us to move ahead, but the part that is coming to consciousness is telling us to wait. This is because we aren't yet ready to make a decision. There are still parts of the puzzle coming together, and, if we act prematurely, we will most likely select a course of action that will not be in our best interest.

The best way I know to deal with confusion is to sit down in the middle of the floor. In a second, the craziness will stop. Maybe sitting on the floor is nuttier than the confusion, or maybe an act so isolated has the power to stop a tangle of feelings and thoughts and bring us back to square one. Either way, the act of sitting recenters us, and we are back in our bodies where we can feel. The feeling is solid and unequivocal and inherently gives us permission to explore the conflicting messages we are getting. We may not get all the pieces at once, but slowly things become clearer. Most importantly, we learn the only time to move is when everything says, "Go!" and not a moment before.

By allowing new feelings to emerge without judgment, we filter and sift new ideas, trying them on for size. We begin to understand that changes take place incrementally and that to rush the process is to invite in confusion. There will be a right time for the change, a way that works for us. There is no timetable for getting clear, only the commitment we make to be real, no matter how long it takes. From this place, confusion is converted to clarity. We are in synch. What initially produced anxiety is now exciting and becomes part of the grand adventure. Rather than feel apprehensive and out of control, we allow the changes to happen in a graceful way. And for the moment, we are at peace.